You'll need the following: a cup of water, a cup of sugar,
four large eggs, two cups of dried fruit, a teaspoon of baking
soda, a teaspoon of salt, a cup of brown sugar, lemon juice,
nuts, and a bottle of whiskey.

Sample the whiskey to check for quality.

Take a large bowl.
Check the whiskey again. To be sure it is the highest
quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat.

Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large
fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar and beat again.

Make sure the whiskey is still OK. Cry another tup.

Turn off the mixerer. Break two leggs and add to the bowl
and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.

Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers
pry it loose with a drewscriver.

Sample the whisky to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift
two cups of salt. Or something. Who cares? Check the whisky.

Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.

Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or something. Whatever you can find.

Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees.

Don't forget to beat off the turner.

Throw the bowl out of the window, wheck the chisky again and go
to bed.